Friday, January 21, 2011

The Legend of Little Lord Mikey REDUX

Footnote or shall I say foot in the mouth note. This piece that I wrote was in a variety of newspapers and magazines it originally posted on my blog on Oct 8th 2009 before the NYC election for mayor. After the election it was deleted. Mr. Bloomberg has made a lot of noise about "not" running for President. So I thought I would bring it back and repost. Although he has an occasional good idea, usually practical in nature, another read of The Legend of Little Lord Mikey will remind you why someone who is 20 billion removed from the common problems of man should not be President.

The Legend of Little Lord Mikey
Once upon a time an even smaller than usual hobbit from Bostonia made his way to his new city, New York. In no time his fate kicked in and he became the richest among the little people. His riches and all they bought quickly bored him, so he sought his thrills elsewhere, and bought himself the Lordship position in his new land.
Secretly he viewed all his new city subjects with disdain. Compared to the people of his beloved Bostonia they were loud, smoked, drank libations in the parks, and generally told the truth. They cheered in coliseums for what he thought were the wrong teams as they were not from Bostonia. People, simply put, had fun, in fact BM {BM despite what you may think means, Before Mike}; this new land was known to the masses of the world as “Fun City.” His Lordship, Little Mikey, decided that he and only he knew what was good or bad for us, his mission was to reform his new subjects.
So it began, he slipped in comments through his rein, such as “my luxury NY.” He also stuck up for all corporate interests from those whose neglect created blackouts to declaring that insurance company CEO’s don’t make that much money and should not be scapegoats in the healthcare debate. During tough times when coins were scarce in the new city’s tills he created cuts in services like garbage pick ups, but never in his luxury areas where his rich friends lived. The cuts came in the areas where his subjects were the poorest and when they complained the now power mad lord said “Is it too much to ask someone to suck it up and smell the stink for your city, just keep your windows closed.” His numerous arrogant comments through his two term rein went largely unnoticed because the main industry in this new city, that brought millions of people to it, was make as much money you can. Since Little Mikey had so much money he was looked upon as the man who actually got the gold ring from the merry-go-round that they were all on, thusly they deferred to him.
If someone in his lordships council disagreed they were quickly brought in line with sums of coins from Little Mikey’s, piles of money, either with donations to their campaign coffers or to their individual “foundations,” in fact sometimes his lordships own foundations could be used to enrich the others. This is how he overturned the will of the peons that voted in term limits to run for a third term without calling for another vote from those who voted for the limits in the first place. You see social graces, and rules are for the real little people who remain silent, us.
And so it came to pass that after wrecking the spirit of the new city , he enabled it to return to the gilded age once again, doing nothing to discourage the high cost of living. Artists who formerly inhabited SOHO now could not even afford to park there. People pay over half their incomes in rent that is after “qualifying,” by proving that you make 45 times the rent plus the yearly rent on top of that. Do the landlords think someone is going to pack the apartment and run away with it? No, my friends this is all by design to have class cleansing in Little Mikey’s luxury NY.
Developers are a notch above child molesters and the notch is slipping downward fast. Instead of working on behalf of his subjects Little Mikey choose to enable the developers to further class cleansing, hoping that one day his new city would turn into his secret vision, a place where only the super rich reside along with those that serve them. To further insult his subjects he built a new luxury building in his honor that holds his lord’s interests and named it, not after the city that gave him his wealth, but after a place in Bostonia called Beacon Hill.
In ancient Rome salt was considered a sign of wealth, in a recent NY newspaper article they talked about Little Mikey’s fondness of excessive salt on everything and I mean everything he ate. Hopefully his fate will be the same as the Roman Emperors whose table habits he emulates.
An appropriate message in the month of Novemberous for the town crier as the election approaches is an ancient one spoken in our sports coliseum in the Bronx and that is “THRO DA BUM OUT!”

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